New Times

Hello Fall! Hope everyone is doing good, we are great! Andi Lynn turned 2 in July and is a busy girl. She keeps us laughing and on our toes, I absolutely love the little girl she is becoming. She is doing good at daycare, I could never ask for a better place for her to be everyday. I'm going to be a little sad when she has to actually go to school and can't just be there all the time :)
We are all keeping busy with work and life, things have slowed down some for us. We're not flying out the door every Friday and rushing back in on Sunday every weekend, just every other one! Able to sit around and enjoy each other a little more. Todd is welding for Precision Ag and I am doing the books at the moment. I'm considering going on and doing other things to seperate myself from family stuff and help me get rid of some stress, but we'll see. Never know how things will work out.
Cunningham has been treating us well. We can't run and get a snack whenever we get the hankering for one, and you best always have at least a 1/4 tank of gas in your car. But ammentities don't make a life, in anyway. They'd be fun to have and it is annoying sometimes, but we make do. We darn sure don't eat out like we used too and Todd has eaten some creative meals! The people and peace of mind make up for it all ten fold. I would never trade any of it, ever, for nothing. Many people talked down on us for moving here, why would we ever want to be somewhere where there is nothing, such a horrible decision we were making. We hang out with more people, do more with more people and are more involved in things going on around us than we have ever been. There is just as much going on in this little town around us as there is in the city. It just isn't as obvious. Get to know a place and the people there before you go casting judgement. Everyone has been so welcoming to us. I know Todd was very weary about coming back and living here but I truly believe he gets it now. Things are better, much better than they have ever been.
The last 8 months have been a journey for me, one of finding myself again and finding some peace. Noone really understood the severity of me wanting to get somewhere that I felt like my feet were on solid ground. But I knew. I knew what I needed, I knew where to go and I knew it was right. Thank you Todd for coming a long, you're amazing. I had completely lost who I was, I let people convince me everything about myself was wrong. The way I thought was wrong, the way I did things was wrong. The way I raise my dogs was wrong, the way I ride a horse was wrong. The way I walk even seemed wrong. Everything. I was in a horrible place, full of anxiety, nerves and tears. I didn't know where to turn or even how to breathe anymore. My friends have seriously stepped up to the plate. Old ones have come back, and the ones I had have truly been there. Who I am is ok, it's different than some people but there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different and we shouldn't hate each other for it, simply respect it. I'm starting to feel that inner smile come back. I can't even remember the last time I've felt it. Many, many years. Having my friends and my family at my finger tips has been priceless, there is honestly no where else in the world that I would rather be.
Next time you feel like trying to make someone feel bad for who they are, or put someone down because it will make you feel better about yourself...stop and think about it. You don't have a clue what you may be doing to them, never judge a book by its cover.

“Far from what I once was, but not yet what I am going to be”

I love you guys!!

Live, Laugh, Love

A few weeks ago I went out to ride my horse, it was a normal day, saddled him up and went out to the arena. Nothing special. I had been stressed and hadnt ridden in 3 or 4 days, so was on the verge of spontaneous combustion. I climbed on and we started doing our circles, he has this jog. It is the perfect jog, almost like you are sitting in a rocking chair except you are going side to side instead of front to back. It is slow and comfortable, fits me like a puzzle piece. Over the past few months I feel like our trust of each other as sky rocketed, like we're becoming a pair. (Now that I say this he will be a butthead tomorrow) As we rode that day I started to feel a tingling in my forearms, it was the weirdest feeling, almost felt like those machines at the Chiropractor that send electricity to the area they just popped. I lost all strength in my arms, almost like they went numb. It is really hard to explain, it then started spreading to my fingers, up my shoulders, into my neck. I didn't hear anything, didn't think about anything, almost like I was frozen...and he just jogged, all I could do was smile. It was the perfect moment, it was what I live for. I'm not sure what happened that day, what caused those feelings. But I will never forget it, after the past however many years of just exsisting, just getting through "putting on the face", I knew at that moment I was back. It was like my blood started flowing again suddenly. I had always felt like what my heart actually wanted wouldn't be good enough for those around me, like they expected more out of me. I will never forget that day and I hope everyone at some point in there life is able to experience living in that way. Makes you realize life really isn't about the numbers we track everyday, or the problems we stress about, or what everyone else thinks we should be doing with our lives. It is so much more simple than that. Life is for living, for enjoying, why else are we here?
I don't have any big goals in life. Some want to be doctors, business owners, whatever, unfortunately for Todd I don't have that. The idea of spending my life stressed out so I can have something doesn't really appeal to me, the constant fight to have more and rise higher just isn't there anymore. I've been there and it just isn't me. I'm happy with what I've got. I like to be the best at whatever I do and want everything to be perfect, but my main goal for my life is just to enjoy it.  I'm perfectly happy sitting in my small town, with my closed mind, on my small patio with my little family and my small town friends enjoying life. Sure I want to make an impact on peoples lives, I want to do awesome things someday and I will, I have no doubt about it. But it will come, whatever I am supposed to do will come. And maybe this is what I am supposed to do, raise little Andi pants to make a positive impact on society. I'm good with that, I think she's turning out to be a pretty awesome little person, possibly that is because she is an exact clone of me. It is kind of fun with her when something is wrong, generally whatever would work for me to calm down in that situation works for her. It is fun to actually kind of understand where someone is coming from. Then again I'm a little off-kilter of what normal is...I don't know if the world needs another me. :) I think Todd and I are asked at least once a day when we are going to have another child, a clone of Todd...when we are ready, and that is not right now. We have a lot of living to do and there is nothing wrong with that. When it is time we will let everyone know, until then we will multiply our horses, motorcycles, probably not dogs we have enough of those, etc...just expanding our family a different way :).

The answered prayer

When I got the word that we would finally be moving out of Manhattan, or I should say when the whirlwind began and we suddenly were moving, I thought it was an answer to a long asked prayer. That all of my dreams were going to finally come true, and life would be perfect. And they did for the most part, and everything is pretty close to perfect. But I'm learning now it wasn't an answer to my prayer, it was an answer to someone else's. It was time for him to open my eyes, he was going to put me to work.
Everyone always thinks they have the worst problems in the world, I'm no different. I thought my life was ending living in Manhattan and is some cases it was. About a month before we moved, I told God I would give him my problems and let him lead us. That I was giving up fighting it, I was at my end, whatever was his will would be. And it took a loong time to finally reach that point. I would have never dreamt he would have taken me home to teach me a lesson. Suddenly before we even knew it we were packing boxes and moving home. Everything was happening and we were just holding on. I thought he was finally answering my prayer. But he wasn't, he has been teaching me making me realize I really don't have any problems in my life. That I really don't have anything to worry about. That my life really is a breeze, that I'm going to be ok and there are much bigger fish to fry out there. But more importantly, he put me where I needed to be. Whether I really wanted to be there or not.
I feel like he brought me here to help. And it is seriously exhausting. To help other people, in turn showing me I really don't have any problems.  To help one person who has carried me through my whole life and guided me and molded me into a great person. Now it is my turn to do the work. Everyone joked when I started working for my dad that I would be able to do whatever I want. Basically, it would be a free for all for me. I could ride my horse when I want and do whatever. But it couldn't be farther from that. I feel a responsibility that noone else does, his burdens are mine, his business is my responsibility. We went to the bank to meet everyone the first week that I was here, he introduced me to the lady I would be mainly dealing with and he said, "this is my daughter" "we have someone here now who cares", it was like he was saying, "she is finally here" and we all teared up. I knew then that I was the answer to his prayer, and that this is what I had to do. He is my dad and I will never ever fail him. I feel like I went from having nothing to having the whole world dumped in my lap and God saying, here, figure this out if you think you have it so bad. I get it. Now the task of learning to balance. Learning to not feeling guilty going to ride, and to realize I dont always have to be doing something. The worlds not going to fall if I stop moving forward lol. It's funny how the tables turn and how God answers prayers. I thank him every day for the changes hes made.

Adventures with Hemi

This is Hemi. A dog with endless love and emotion, but cursed with the inability to be normal or to shut up. I think our move has been harder on the dogs than on any one of us. Hemi seems to be suffering from lack of brain and inability to remain silent since we have arrived in our new home. Though we haven't suffered the complete ravish of any trash cans, and all shoes have remained intact, our ear drums on the other hand have suffered dramatically. Poor Bubba can't catch a break.
Our plan as soon as we moved in was to build a fence. This was going to be wonderful. We have a nice backyard with plenty of room for the dogs to run and play. INSERT HEMI BARKING. Such a peaceful setting, with birds chirpping and trees swaying in the breeze. INSERT HEMI BARKING. We could sit out on our deck and enjoy a peaceful life. INSERT HEMI BARKING. Everything would be great. NOT. As we know most plans bend and change, as has with our fence plan. But luckily, we have Hemi to remind us about every 3.5 minutes that he belongs outside. A quick trip outside to roam around for a few minutes and mark some plants won't do the trick of course. Nor will a 2 mile walk, or endless minutes running in the park. Definetly not good enough. He's nearing the status of a woman, you can never make him happy. What a delight life with Hemi is. To accompany his excessive need to be outdoors, he has begun to lick his foot. Not just a nice I'm bored lick, but we prefer to make the entire bottom of our foot bleed. So each pad is surrounded by a bloody ring, and then start licking Oakly's leg so his leg is also bleeding and bare...the fence has been raised from "should probably to it soon" to "extremely urgent". Thankfully I was able to let them run at my parents for most of the weekend, and was able to take them to work with me yesterday and let them be shop dogs. Get them out of the house some more. I'm suprised Hemi hasn't burned the place down, we'll see what I find when I get home today...
On a different note, everyone is doing good. Andi is loving daycare and Todd and I are working away. Todd was able to get a new pickup so that has been some excitment for us! Hope everyone is doing great!

Change

Hope everyone is doing great! We are good, had a busy few months but starting to slow down (kind of). We went to Vegas for the National Finals Rodeo at the beginning of December and had a lot of fun. This was our second year in a row to go, we have amazing grandparents who were willing to watch Andi for us both times! Once we got home from Vegas it seemed like we still haven't unpacked our bags, I truly can't remember what all we've done since then seems like we've been everywhere. However, the last two days I haven't had much to do and I find myself about to crawl out of my skin. I LOVE being on the fly all the time, seems to be when I function the best, I think it's my gypsy soul (or Houtwed soul) lol.

Andi is doing awesome, she is growing up so much. I love it, I truly love the stage she is in. Anything we do she copies, anything. I put a wafer in my mouth and hold it there so I can grab her one. She walks around for an hour holding her wafer in her mouth. Todd and I were sitting and watching TV last night and were really into the show (Todd was on it, he was standing in line at Sturgis) so she came and sat beside us on the couch and watched the show so intently. It was hilarious. If I sneeze she'll walk around for 5 minutes going choo, choo, choo. I love it! I've never really been around little kids other than her, so it's fun to learn everything they do.

It seems as though times are changing for us tho. Exciting and scary at the same time. As most everyone knows I have been trying to get out of Manhattan and live somewhere smaller. And even though I have been waiting for it for a long time, it is still scary. I like change, but only change that I control. Anything beyond my control is not fun. Todd doesn't like change at all, like seriously not at all. Love you :D But sometimes the beginning of something is the scariest part. You can't live your life a certain way just because you are afraid to do something different. Mr Goetz said, "A ship in a harbor is safe, but that's not what ships were made for." And he's right, were not made to sit around where everythings comfortable, we're made to go out and do more. Something so much greater could be out there, just have to get over the hump. And we're starting our climp up the hump. We're still not sure how everything is going to work out, or where everything will fall into place but we have God guiding us and that's all we need. It's amazing how he all of a sudden puts things into place, waiting for that to happen seriously sucks though :)!

I know a lot of people think I've lost my mind for not wanting to live in Manhattan, but I've come to terms with that. I'm ok with being that crazy girl, someday I'm sure I'll be the crazy dog/horse lady. I'm more concerned with how the barn will be organized than what the house we build will look like, that's Todds cup of tea. I told him I'll take formica over granite anyday if I can have a nicer barn lol. I understand the possibilities here, I know that Todd could be very successful, I know I have the ability to accomplish anything here, I know the resources, I know it all and I see it all. I see why people love it, its a beautiful town with great people in it. But it's just not going to happen for this girl. I've been trying to since I first arrived here and it's just never been there, I can't seem to make this home. I can't seem to fit in here. My heart says no. I understand that people live in places they don't really like everyday, and that they make the best of it. I've been doing that for 7 years and I'm done doing that and thank God I have the love and support of Todd. He is truly, without a doubt, the best. He's accepted that I'm the world's most impossible person to deal with and has opened his heart to change, kind of. Lets not get to excited lol. But God gave me him for a reason. You're the best Hot Toddy.

If you'll pray for us over our journey we'd love the support, and I'll keep everyone posted! And if you're needing a house or needing to sell your house in the Pratt area give me a call!!!